Being a family caregiver is a hard job. When you are the primary caregiver of an elderly family member, you have a lot on your plate. First and foremost, you are caring for your parent. Depending upon their needs, this can be quite intense. Most seniors have light needs at first, but even this can be exhausting after a while. Caregiver burnout can be common, and even though it’s something that we don’t want to think about, taking care of mom or dad can be a trying experience. Here are a few tips for staying sane while taking care of an older loved one.
Be Accepting. Your parent is changing and that’s probably not an easy thing for them to deal with. By being supportive and accepting of them, you are offering a tiny bit of help on this front. Yes, they’ve changed; yes, they need help now; but you still love them and are there for them. It’s a small thing, but it helps.
Expect Frustration. This is especially true if your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia. They might not know what is happening, and anger and frustration is a common symptom of this. Be patient, expect it to be hard and emotionally draining on you, and then move forward with patience. It’s also very hard for someone to see their child–someone that they raised from diapers–to now be in the caregiver role. This can cause even more frustration. If it is helpful, you can acknowledge and explain that anger to them. Just be kind and compassionate as you do so and do not show any resentment.
Give them Freedom. Autonomy is something that they’ve experienced their whole life, and now that they are disabled, or otherwise in need of care, it can be tough to let go of that. While it might seem unnatural to give someone with severe needs freedom, it’s something that you need to do. Let them make their own choices. Let them enjoy their leisure time as they want. It’s not your job to babysit them and hold their hand. It’s your job to keep them safe and cared for.
Care for Yourself. You need to take care of yourself, too. Get exercise, watch a movie, go out and have dinner with a friend. Do what you need to do to destress and keep yourself mentally and physically healthy. If the caregiver isn’t healthy, there’s a good chance that the person they are caring for will suffer as a consequence.
Get Outside Help. Some people rely on other family members or neighbors to help fill in the gaps on a caregiving schedule. Other people look to professional caregivers for respite care once in a while. Many others try helping as a family caregiver for as long as they can before hiring an in-home caregiver to step in. All of these things are great choices and can be helpful, but you need to acknowledge first that you can’t do this alone. Getting help is the easiest way to keep your sanity during this difficult period in your family’s life.
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