Every family has their own approach when it comes to how care is handled. Some families jump in right away and start work with pressings to figure out what their elderly loved one needs before that care is ever really needed. For other families, there is a strong urge to keep everything in the family. These are the people who would never dream of ending a family member to a nursing home, even if there was evidence that such a high level of care was needed.
Most families fall somewhere in between these two extremes. They don’t want a loved one to be completely dependent on a professional care service and out of touch with their family, but at the same time, they don’t want to do every single portion of the care on their own. They want to be involved in care to a degree. This is not an either/or type thing, but rather a spectrum. Families will fall on various parts of that spectrum. Where a family is located on that spectrum of reliance on care can change over time, too. The general consensus within the family today might not be the same as it was a year ago.
Conflict can occur when there are multiple points of view within the same family, especially when those family members are close. This conflict has the potential to rip a family apart, but it never needs to. This is a collaborative affair, not a win or lose competition.
Because ultimately, care isn’t about what you want, or what your cousin wants, but what the elderly person you’re worried about needs to be kept safe, healthy, and happy. You might not lie that type of care, but that’s not your main concern. Not many people like the idea of putting their loved one in a nursing home, for example. But sometimes, that is the best choice for meeting their needs. This isn’t about making you happy, but helping the person you care about.
There are grey areas of care. Sometimes a nursing home might be helpful, but it’s not necessary. Whenever possible, these types of choices should be left to the person that will be experiencing the care. Yes, there are times where dementia or unrealistic expectations might play a role, but whenever you can, you should be deferring to the person receiving that care. You might not always agree with their choices, but they are their own person and they are the one who will live with that care–not you.
Finding care, regardless of what form it takes or what it looks like, is tough. It is stressful even in the best of cases. I have found that the best way to approach this is to look at as many choices as you can. Educate yourself and your other family members about the options that are out there and work through it as a team. You might not ever be fully happy with things, but the more you know, the better you will be equipped to help the people that you love.
Leave a Reply